Fine Art 3

It’s 10:30pm and we ditched prom an hour and a half ago. We traded the stuffy banquet hall for the crisp air at the Overlook, the loud, annoying DJ for our playlist on Spotify through my phone. Nate’s mom didn’t care what time he came home, knowing he was with me, and my foster parents never really gave a damn if I came home, so we decided to come up here. This has been our spot since Nate learned to drive sophomore year, and what better way to spend what’s supposed to be the happiest night of senior year?
“Ya know, even though we come up here weekly, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this view,” Nate said, taking a sip of his chocolate milkshake.
“What, the view of a town with a population of 5,000? Ah yes, how riveting! I can see the Sonic from here!” I joked. Nate rolled his eyes at me.
“Can you believe it? In just a few months we’re both getting out of here. It makes me kinda sad. I mean, I’m excited to see where college takes me and all, but there’s just something about this little town. And I mean, you’re here. And mom. And Sierra.” He sighed. “I hate that we’re not going to the same school.”
“Dude. I’m literally gonna be 20 miles away. That’s from here to the closest mall, I think you’ll survive.” I laughed, but Nate didn’t budge. He never gets this sentimental.
“Hey, it will be okay. We will see each other every weekend, we will get happy hour milkshakes, text all the time… It’s not the end of the world. It’s not the end of this.”
“Yeah, i guess you’re right.”
We both went silent for a minute. Nate was the first to budge, getting up off the bench.
“What are you doing?” I asked. He grinned, his blue eyes sparkling.
“It’s a slow song, and we ditched prom so… we have to dance.”
I’m still so strange and wild
“Oh my god. No. You know I don’t dance.”
You’re in the wind
“You do tonight.” His smile grew, and he tipped his invisible fedora at me. “M’lady.” He extended his hand towards me.
I’m in the water
“Only if you agree to NEVER do that again, ugh.” I couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled me to my feet and to him. We slowly began to dance, and I couldn’t help but stare at his features. The scar on his lip from when he fell off his bike at the marina. How long his eyelashes are, something I always teased him for. How blue his eyes were.
“Hey, Lex?”
“Hmmmm?”
“Thanks for always being here. Out of everyone, I’m glad it’s you.”
Nobody’s son
He’s my best friend. Nobody else in this world has ever understood me like him. From holding my hand in the ER when I broke my leg cheering, to buying me my first birthday cake when I turned 15. When I had nothing, when I was nobody, he saw me. He celebrated with me, hell, he celebrated ME. He gave me a family that came to every game that he played, and I cheered. Suddenly, those 20 miles feel so, so distant.
Nobody’s daughter.
In that moment, everything was as it was supposed to be.
——————————
“God, I hate earring backs,” I mumbled to myself, looking in the mirror. I don’t know why I thought a mirror would help, it’s not like I have eyes in the back of my head. Sierra apparently heard me, because she came out from the bathroom.
“Here, lemme get your hair.” She gently pulled my curls out of the way, so I could finally get my earrings in. “Oh, by the way. Nate wants to see you.”
“Now??? Like, right now?” I turned to look at her, and she nodded.
“Yep. No idea why, but I’ve never been able to explain that man.” She sighed before disappearing back into the bathroom to finish her already flawless makeup.
The elevator felt like it took forever, though in reality, from my floor to the suite Nate is staying in was about 2 minutes. I had to grab the hem of my dress as I walked, so as not to step on it. I’m very much used to not wearing these kinds of things. I finally find room 1508 and knock. Nate opens the door, hair slicked back, tuxedo on, pale as a ghost.
“Hey, uh, Sierra said you needed me?” I stepped into the room, shutting the door behind me.
“Yeah, yeah. I just needed you. You look gorgeous, by the way.” His eyes are locked onto my face.
“Hold on, you’re not flaking, are you? Cause this is a big day, and if you’re flaking that’s kinda bad and I- “
“No, no!” Nate cuts me off abruptly with a laugh. “I’m not flaking. I’m just nervous and you help. I just… needed a pep talk is all.”
I stepped closer to him, straightening his collar.
“Nate, if there is anyone capable of doing this, it’s you. You can do this. You remember in middle school, when you tried out for the football team? That nervousness you felt then?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s different.”
“Eh, so what. My point is, you can do things when you’re nervous. That middle school try out ended up getting you a full ride to college.” I smiled at him, letting my hand rest on his shoulder. “You can do this.”
Nate smiled at me and rested his hand on top of mine. “Thank you, Lexi. I’m, I uh.” He chuckled, obviously tripping over his words. “Thank you for being here. I’m still really glad it’s you.” He’s getting choked up now, and you could cut the tension in the air with the knife. I could see the tears in his eyes, and that’s when I knew I had to look away.
“I’ll see you down there, okay? Don’t flake! Big moment here buckaroo.” I patted his hand, returning his smile and quietly laughing before quickly leaving so he didn’t see me cry. He hated seeing me cry.
The venue is gorgeous, decorated with the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen. Several rows of chairs, filled with family and friends. It's at this point that I’m unsure if I can even do this. Staring out at the sea of everyone we know, everyone we have EVER had history with. Seeing the faces of those we’ve loved, and that twinge of sadness at the ones we’ve lost who aren’t here. Our entire lives are sitting here, waiting. The aisle seems so long. I walk down the aisle to my place at the front, hands shaking and legs feeling like they’re going to collapse, and take my seat between Sierra and his mother, who reaches for my hand. I gently take it, and the moment I do she squeezes it. She knows.
You’re in the wind.
The music begins, and Nate begins to walk down the aisle. Staring at him now, it’s like looking at that 17-year-old on prom night. Those blue eyes, the scar on his lip, it’s almost like nothing has changed.
I’m in the water.
He reaches the front, turning to face the direction he came. I can see his fingertips shaking, and every bit of me just wants to tell him that he’s okay. That it’s okay. Almost like he hears my thoughts, he looks directly at me, and I nod my head gently.
Nobody’s son.
Nate and I make direct eye contact. That’s when the tears slowly started. Happiness, grief, wanting, all types of tears. For just those few seconds, it is him and I, not a soul surrounding us. It is as it’s supposed to be. Nate nods his head, and as the music begins, his eyes tear away from me to look towards his bride. And I knew that would be the last time Nate ever looked at me.
Nobody’s daughter.
Hannah is a 26-year-old disability advocate from Knoxville who channels her experiences as an ambulatory wheelchair user and amputee into her writing. Art allows her to express emotions and share joy with others.
It costs $8.95 to hear a song
for the first time, again,
in a 2011 Toyota Corolla. In
neutral, foot off the brake, press play as
Bubbles like iridescent fairies
crawl through the crack in the windshield
and burst into light.
Turn the volume up.
“Be not afraid,”
says the giant furry octopus
space alien amoeba as its kickdrum
arms schwop against the windows.
“Let me in, let me in,
and experience everything,
again, for the first time.”
Wonder,
what are the effects of long-term
exposure to car wash magic?
Suds pouring in, CD stuck inside busted
stereo, when you emerge, soaking wet,
glistening with new colors.
Fritz Valentine is a poet and visual artist from Murfreesboro, TN, whose work explores Queer and Trans pasts, presents, and futures. You can follow their work on Instagram @frivalart.




